The Problem is me

A self reflection

So, as I have enjoyed reading others’ personal experiences here, ni wakati wa kutoa ushuru sasa. l’ma give back by sharing my own.

So, today, I got off my fav. dating app for the 1,2,3, … 5th or so time, saying it would be my last swipe, cough, cough, deja vu.

I’d like to say its because I found the resolve to do so or I came out of there with the last swipe. Bu’ no, shi’ was just as dry as your DM’s 😔

What makes this time different though, is in fact, the dryness. I had time to sit, bask and thirst in it. That’s when memories of voluptuous days flooded. I remembered when I had enough warmth to soak my whole soul four times over.

When my heart was full, as was my soul, kuinama had nothing on me, 💯. To the boys: my time, scarce. My phone, hushed. You know why ? ‘cause, I found her. Who ? Her.. The one who was as clingy as I was. As attached, as I was, and as anxious, as I hid I actually was. It was great! The one who got me! And didn’ judge, but related!

Days, passed, dates→planned✅, lunch→served✅,boundaries→set✅, futures→discussed✅. IT Was Bliss.

So, what happened ? Reality, reality hit!! It hit me that being with her means coming out of my shell.

It hit me that loving her means abandoning cowardice.

It hit me that being real with her means facing uncomfortable truths about me. But now, it hits me most that, the problem is me.